Melting Pot

I Don’t Know

I know it is an adjustment when you move. I have moved before. Never as big a move as this one, but the point is I know from experience moving is stressful and it takes some time to adjust to new surroundings. I have been in my new place for roughly 24 hours. I need to give it some more time. I know that. And yet right now I am really questioning myself and whether this was such a good idea. The house needs so much work. In ways it is better than where I had been. But in other ways it is worse. I tried to be positive about how this would go before getting here. But now faced with the actual reality of things… I really don’t know if I can do this. 

I love the house itself. Or rather, the potential that it has. The layout is nice and it is a nice size for one person (or even two) but the amount of work that needs to happen to make it a nice home is more than I anticipated. The neighborhood… well, why sugarcoat it I will just say it – the neighborhood sucks. There is near constant noise from folks talking or yelling, they play loud music at all hours, the neighbors next door constantly have people coming and going, there are dozens of dogs running loose.

Speaking of dogs I am not sure mine like it here. I can’t say I blame them. They can’t go out and run and play like before. And because of all the people and loose dogs constantly around, I am not even comfortable putting them on the tie outs or even having them outside much at all. Leashed up and just long enough in the back yard to do their business and haul ass back inside. I feel bad. I subjected them to an incredibly long and stressful trip, to bring them to a place they don’t seem to like. 

But then I don’t really like it much myself. I have done a ridiculous amount of crying these past ~24 hours. I have very little appetite. J got me something from Hardee’s last night insisting I eat. I could only manage a couple fries. I ended up giving the rest to the dogs, and the burger is still sitting in the fridge untouched. I WILL make myself eat it soon. I just absolutely couldn’t last night and today food has been unappealing again. For anyone who knows me at all this says a LOT about how I am feeling because my normal reaction to stress and strong emotions is to eat and eat and eat. 

I know I need to give it a little time and maybe my feelings will change. I don’t exactly have any other choice right now… but at this very moment I am not happy, and I am feeling like I bit off way more than I can chew, coming here. 

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One thought on “I Don’t Know

  1. Bless your heart. I’m sorry you’re having a rough start. You have the right attitude though. Give it some time. I’m glad you have your girls are with you, but I understand your anxiety and worrying about them.
    Take care and hopefully, things will even out soon.

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