Melting Pot

Late Night Randoms

Or early morning, if you want to be technical. I am having a bit of an insomniatic night once again and we all know that means a rambly post with no theme or any sense of rhyme or reason to it. šŸ˜œ

I have been trying to make working on drawing a daily habit, this week. I still have much to learn and a long, long way to go to really feel confident with it. I tend to not be able to just draw from my head – I need a guide to look at to help me out for most things. Even with a guide there are just some things I have wanted to draw that I have not yet successfully drawn. I have an idea for an illustrated book that I REALLY want to make happen… but my skills simply are not there yet. Which is ok. I still need to work out some other details for it anyway. If I do manage to make it happen it will not be for quite some time.

I currently have eight inked drawings waiting to be colored. J was a total sweetie and ordered a set of alcohol markers for me that tracking claims will be here Monday. I have six simpler cartoonish drawings that I plan to use to test the markers. I suspect there is a little bit of a learning curve to using them  (could be wrong) so I do not want to just go right into coloring the two more detailed drawings I currently have inked. I also have a little – steadily growing – list of other drawings I want to do in the coming weeks, which are all probably way beyond my current skill level.

I have finished three of my reading challenge books so far. I zipped through the most recent one tonight, reading as quickly as I could simply to get it overwith. It was one that I had been looking forward to but unfortunately it was terribly boring. I knew if I did not knock it out as quickly as possible I would let it drag on for weeks and as I try to only read one book at a time that would throw me way off schedule for my 50 books challenge for the year. So I buckled down and did some major speed reading to get it overwith. Now to pick the next one!

I’d like to think that my heart is recovering from the hurt that he who shall not be named caused… truth be told he broke me back in 2013 and I just spent way too long after that knowing full well he was a lying jerk who didn’t mean a word he said but living in denial about things because I simply did not want to believe that someone I loved so much could think so very little of me, that I could be so certain and it could feel so right yet I was completely wrong… so, it was a long time coming. It still hurt like hell when I finally (recently) decided enough was enough and I was tired of the lies though. I still have bad days. I am still incredibly broken. Though he does not at all deserve it and despite all he put me through and how terribly he treated me, I still love him. It would be so much easier if I could just hate him, but I truly don’t. I hate what he did, but not him.  For the most part I am doing ok, with all things considered. I still sincerely doubt I will ever be in another relationship; my ability to trust was already shaky at best before him. After the whole mess – the details of which I know y’all don’t know but I am so not going there for numerous reasons – I just don’t think I can ever really trust anybody again. He messed me up big time. I’m lonely, I want somebody special to share my days with… but at the same time I am just much too cynical and bitter about such things now and I doubt there is a single man on the planet who would put up with me long enough to be able to convince me that it is worth it to try again. I will be the crazy old cat lady. Or crazy old dog lady, as while I adore both cats and dogs I have always favored dogs just a bit more.

Moving on to a happier topic, J has successfully gotten me hooked on fountain pens. I have one that I ordered from a discount site last year that is just ok quality-wise but is beautiful, but the fine nib is much too wide for my liking. I have found I love it for inking my drawings though so I can still put it to use. J kindly let me try out several of his pens – and has given me two of them to keep. I absolutely love them; it is a different writing experience from the more commonly used ballpoint pens. Being me, I also absolutely love that there is a plethora of inks available in every imaginable color! I have never really liked writing in the standard blue or black ink – though having those colors on hand is always good of course as official documents and such usually require them – and have always favored purples and pinks and lighter shades of blue than is the standard. I hope to collect more fountain pens in the future, and of course lots of beautiful inks to go with them!

I found the new creme brulee flavored Vaseline Lip Therapy at the local walmart this weekend. It is not as fabulous as I had imagined it might be, but I like it. I am a fan of Vaseline in general, and always carry the original Lip Therapy (which is plain old Vaseline, just in a very cute and tiny container) in my purse. You never know when you may need it. Yeah, my purse is more often than not filled with items that “you never know when you may need it” – tweezers, emery boards, neosporin, band aids, a miniature sewing kit etc. I try to be prepared for as many of those small “Oh shit!” moments that can happen when one is out and about as possible, without having an overly heavy, cluttered purse.

Well I suppose that is enough rambling nonsense for one post. If I am lucky I can get to sleep soon.

Until next time. xoxo

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