Melting Pot

Business Pet Peeves

Because I’m in a mood today and feel like ranting: things more and more businesses do these days that annoy me:

1. Redirecting the main page to a page encouraging mobile users to install your app instead of viewing the web site.  If I am a regular visitor I MIGHT be interested.  But as someone who was just googling around for some info, I want to get to said info quickly.  You’re impeding my getting there.  Knock it off.  I did not open my App Store to find you. I opened my web browser.  That means I want your web site. Not your surely over rated app I will never even actually use.

2. Having a “like us on facebook” or “subscribe via email” pop-up that opens when I visit your page.  Every.  Single.  Time.  It’s annoying enough the first time it happens, for it to keep happening as I click around your site or if I have to refresh the page for some reason makes me want to hurt someone.  Preferably you for putting the stupid pop-up on your site.

3. Setting the above pop-up to reappear frequently during my visit even if I remain on just one page.  I kid you not I was just on a site reading an article about a topic I have been wanting to research a bit and over the approximately five minutes I was there reading not just the article but the comments left on it hoping for more info in the comment section that blasted subscribe via email pop-up reopened no less than a dozen times.  If I didn’t want to subscribe the first time I sure as hell don’t want to subscribe now.  Just let me read what I landed on your site to read uninterrupted you morons. Newsflash – if your site annoys me and incites anger,  I will not become a regular visitor! To quote Gilmore Girls,  “You’re like a pop-up book from hell.”

4. Not having a clear, easy way to go from mobile to desktop view or the other way around.  My internet access is currently limited to mobile devices however on my tablet most full sites load and perform fine and I prefer them.  Some sites detect I’m on mobile and default me to their mobile site with no way to get to the full site,  or it’s hard to find the link that will take me to the full site. On the flip side sometimes the mobile version is easier to navigate to what I want but the site defaults me to the desktop view and I can’t find a way to get to/back to the mobile version.  Make this quick and simple – noticeable links at the top of the page would be ideal.  If I have to hunt for an easy way to use your site,  I probably won’t be quoting the Terminator when I leave. 

5. Not having an “about us” page or the about page having little to no useful information about your company.  On someone’s personal page or blog,  I think an “about me” page is nice but optional.  When it is a business,  however,  I like to have that page and that page needs to be informative.  I wanted to learn more about a company recently so pulled up their site. The “about us” page was hard to find.  Once I found it,  it was not even worth the hassle to get to.  I need more than where you are located and a two sentence blurb about how you are involved in your local community,  you big weenies.  I want to know about your company,  that’s why I went to the about page.  Things like when and how the company was started,  who the owners are,  how things have changed or developed over time…. All the fun facts you’d provide if some mega popular TV show was dedicating a special episode to your company.  Just knowing your location and business hours is not good enough. Details,  I need details! Make like you are my bff giving me the scoop on your hot date with a hunky doctor last night, not like I’m just someone you used to know who you’ve bumped into at the grocery store and I asked how you’ve been and you don’t really want to answer so you just say “Fine”!

6. No contact information. I don’t care how awesome your site is. If there is no way for me to contact you if I need to, then not only does your page suck but you as a company suck too.  Customer service is crucial. If a customer can’t contact you then you don’t have customer service.  What if I just had a small problem you could easily have fixed?  Had I been able to contact you and you helped me, I would be telling everyone I know (and everyone I don’t know who follows me or stumbles onto my various social media pages)  how awesome you are for it.  But guess what happens when I can’t contact you about my little easy to handle problem?  That’s right,  McFly.  Now instead of talking you up on social media,  I’m out there saying how much you suck because I had this one simple little issue I needed some help with but you’re too high and mighty to mingle with us lowly peasants.  Your customers are the ones who enable you to put a roof over your head and food on your table.  You might want to make it so they can easily reach you if they need to. PS – No,  having a facebook page (or any other social media account) does NOT count as a suitable means of customer service.  I want either a contact form on your site (that sends me a copy of what I sent you for my own personal records) or an email address I can write to.

7. Photoshop.  I have ranted about the evils of Photoshop more than once so I’ll spare you the long-winded diatribe. I’ll just say this: Photoshop should only be used to correct minor imperfections in an image.  Maybe the lighting was just a tad too warm so the color of the product being shown is off,  so you make a little adjustment on the computer.  That is fine.  But if your size two model was a little bloated on the day of that photoshoot (nobody would ever know anyway,  honest) so you Photoshop her down to her skeletal frame or give her a pinched in Barbie waistline we all know ain’t real,  you just look lame and I’m not going to want to spend my money on anything you make. Either hire a good photographer and models you are happy with as they are,  or find another line of business where you don’t need product photos.

8. Hosting giveaways that require me to “like” and/or “follow” you and the thirty other pages you’ve “teamed up with for this awesome giveaway!” Just use a raffle copter form and call it a day. I have more social media accounts than I can handle and follow too many pages as it is.  I really don’t give a shit about following all these pages just for a remote possibility of winning prizes I want but can’t afford to actually buy hence wanting to enter your giveaway. You know what happens?  Either I say that’s way too many pages I don’t have any interest in following so fuck all of you,  I’ll find another contest to enter; or I’ll go ahead and play along (because really,  who the hell has $600 for a stand mixer?  But it’s pretty and I want one dammit!) but as soon as the contest is over (and once again I didn’t win) I will go back through and un-follow every single one of those narcissistic pages who post eight thousand times a day clogging up my feed and keeping me from seeing the posts from the pages I actually enjoy following. Seriously. Either you want to give away a prize or not – but don’t make me have to follow a ton of pages I have no interest in to enter.

9. Giveaways that require “tagging” your friends to enter.  So,  you want me to be canned ham for you. In exchange for a slight chance of being randomly chosen from twenty thousand entries,  80 90 95 98% of which are invalid and have broken the rules but one of them will be the winner anyway because you don’t really care if they cheat, to win something from you?  Even worse is when you decide my friends have to be following you as well for my entry to be valid. So my ability to enter depends on someone else?  How is that fair? First of all, not all my friends use the same social media sites I do so I may not even have anybody to tag in the first place.  More importantly, I really do not feel comfortable doing this to my friends.  Believe it or not my friends and I do not always share common interests.  My friends don’t give a crap if I want to win something – they aren’t going to follow your page just for that if they aren’t truly interested in you.  Just like my boyfriend,  you and my friends have nothing but me in common; that doesn’t mean you have to like each other.

10. Trying to be “in”. I understand you want to be current and connect with your target audience.  But honestly,  using the modern lingo just makes you look unprofessional and like you’re trying way too hard.  You’re the AV Club president trying desperately to fit in with the cool kids but it isn’t you,  and it isn’t working. Stop.  Just please stop.  None of this “yassssss!!!!!!” or “on fleek” nonsense or whatever is the latest lingo.  Stick to a grammatically correct,  yet casual, conversational tone.  It is far more appealing.  You are not a twelve year old wannabe adult who doesn’t have a clue – and I am having trouble understanding why you want to portray yourself as such. You’re supposed to be a respectable business.  I cannot respect you if you act like a self absorbed tw/eenager who doesn’t know anything outside of text speak, hash tags,  and emoji.

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2 thoughts on “Business Pet Peeves

  1. I have to agree on all counts. I don’t play the social media for giveaways game, but everything else I’ve experienced, and had the identical reaction. Although the witty and appropriate movie/TV quotes never crossed my mind.

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