Ah… family drama. Because it just ain’t the holidays unless half the family is pissed off at each other. My poor dad just wants everyone to get along. There have been so many fights and bridges burned it simply is not possible. Some things just can’t be repaired or forgiven.
Loneliness has crept deeper into my heart than ever before. I sit alone in the evenings, the only light in the room from the lights on the Christmas tree, and just think of all the things that are so messes up, the people I miss, the things I wish so much that I could have but never will, I wonder why no matter what I do it is never good enough for the people in my life. No matter what I do I am in the wrong. I try hard – so hard – to be a good person and to please those I love. While kind words are spoken to my face, the ugly truth is always revealed somehow and I always discover that I am nothing but an annoyance to the people I love. I do all I can do, but they look at me and see nothing but a very long list of negative qualities. I don’t have many people in my life at all. There is exactly one person who I know I can trust and who I am truly close and comfortable with. But even that person is not someone I can really rely on, right now. At the end of the day, I have no one. That is how it has always been. And my greatest fear is that it will never change.
Yep. Looks like Christmas.