This is going to be an emotional week for me, as I prepare to head back to PA. I have loved my time here in NC so very much and I hate to leave. I really don’t want to go. But I’ve already committed to it, and regardless of what I want life is dictating that other things must be done instead, as it so often does. I do miss Rascal and will be happy to see her again. With my dad’s health, I want to be able to spend time with him. There are other things that I need to take care of. All signs point to “It’s time to go back to Pittsburgh” – and it doesn’t really matter how much I want to stay right where I am.
It is sort of strange that it was so easy for me to come here. Leaving Pittsburgh was not a difficult thing for me at all. Granted I had a lot of negative things surrounding me that I felt a need to escape, but still… you’d think it would have been hard for me to walk away from my home and family. But it wasn’t. I never even felt homesick upon arriving here in NC. There have been a couple things/people I have missed, to be sure. But overall I have not missed Pittsburgh.
The thought of leaving here though is heartbreaking. I’ve cried over it more than once already and I’m sure the week is going to be filled with many more tears. I’m trying my best to not cry in front of J because I know he doesn’t like when I cry. Not because of any jerky reasons, mind you. He doesn’t like to see me hurting. He’ll eventually witness them though, and since he reads this he’ll be made aware of the ones he’s already missed too. (Sorry, J… but I can’t help it.)
My heart and my head are at war over this. I really don’t want to leave, but I know I have to. So I’ll do what I always do. I will put on a brave face, even though I feel anything but brave. I will fight the tears unless I am alone and free to let them fall. I will smile even though I am sad inside. I will push my wants and needs aside, and do what I need to do.
“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.” ― Lemony Snicket/Daniel Handler