Melting Pot

Tick Tock

Hear that ticking? I don’t see how you can’t. It was soft till about a year ago – easy to ignore. It gradually got louder over the past couple years of course, but this past year or so it has apparently decided to become a constant pain in the butt. Now it’s loud and incessant and I fear it’s about to stop in favor for even louder alarms.

That would be my biological clock. And it’s starting to scream at me that I am running out of time. As if I didn’t know that already…

I used to want babies, when I was younger. Got a little older and decided that no kids are not for me, “at least not right now”. And now I’m even older and I am realizing that I really DO want babies. I want them so much I can’t stand it. Even just a year ago I was on the fence about having kids of my own. Sometimes I thought it was a nice idea but most of the time it was not really something I wanted to deal with. Late last year I noticed that was not so much the case anymore. And it seems like every single day that damn ticking I hear gets louder and more persistent and more often I think I do want babies. I find myself gravitating to the baby departments of the stores I shop in, lingering and taking my time looking at toys and clothes, bottles, strollers, bouncy seats, blankets etc. And I find myself wishing so much that I had a need for all those things.

I wish it would stop. I mean, without a husband there will be no babies. And my ring finger is still quite depressingly naked. I can’t exactly go and have a baby by myself. That damned biological clock of mine does not seem to care – all it wants to do is harass me over the lack of children, husband or not.

I knew I was feeling this way for a while, now. But I didn’t realize how strongly I felt about this till this morning. I was browsing Amazon for some new cake pans and happened to stumble onto some shaped pans. The roses and butterflies and castles all made me wish for a little girl. And then I saw the pan that really made my heart ache. It has individual wells to make little 3-D train car cakes. And all I could think was that I HAVE to order that pan asap, so that I will have it in case I ever have a little boy who likes trains. I WANT a little boy, who likes trains. Oh I know little girls like trains too. But when I saw that stupid cake pan it triggered an image in my mind that now I can’t erase – of the most adorable little boy in the world, playing with trains, wearing blue jeans and a cute red plaid shirt, and his birthday party with colorful balloons and all his little friends and bags and boxes of presents all around and a sheet cake with the little train cakes on top… and yeah just for the record this adorable little boy had an equally adorable baby sister.

sigh

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6 thoughts on “Tick Tock

  1. It’s just an instinct, absent any logic. Ignore it. Suppress it. Do whatever it takes. Do not feed it. Be absolutely certain that you do not give in to it. You will regret it.

    Sure, kids are useful, as long as you live long enough to be a burden on them. For the the most part, though, they are useless parasites, huge pains in the a$$, and the source of a lot of stress and headaches.

    Did that help? 🙂

    1. LOL No, I still want a baby. I do not think I’ll ever have one, if nothing else for the primary reason that I seem to have no luck whatsoever with men/love. It is still something I can’t deny that I want, though.

      1. NO! The bug has infected your brain! You MUST get this crazy notion out of your head NOW! Once they come out, you can’t put them back! Kids are EVIL! 😀

        For the record, men are worthless pigs, only suitable for taking care of those things that women should never have to do – and few are even up to that task. Oh, and love is a lie made up by the authors of fairy tales and propagated by the executives of greeting card companies.

        I love you! Thanks for letting me say stupid stuff on your blog. Even if most of it is true, at least on some level.

        1. I love you because you are open and honest about things. No sugar coating from you – but you also know how to be gentle in your wording when necessary.

          I’ve got to admit I often question love when it comes to anything beyond family/friends but I don’t feel that I’m one to give any input on that matter right now since I’m feeling a bit heartbroken and bitter where that’s concerned.

          No, kids can’t be put back… but they can be sent to grandma or grandpa or some other relative for a weekend. Or longer, when school is not an issue. 😉

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