(Yeah, I kind of love the movie Sleepless in Seattle. What?)
It’s 5 AM on a Sunday and here I am, sitting in the dark with only the light of my laptop to illuminate my little corner of the world. I’m still snug in my pj’s and sitting under the warmth of my electric blanket. I’ve been awake for a little over half an hour now, after getting just five and a half hours of sleep. I will by no means survive the day without a nap at some point.
WHY am I awake right now? I have no clue. I was busy having sweet, happy dreams and all of a sudden I’m awake and completely unable to get back to sleep. As I tried somewhat hopelessly to get back to sleep, my brain started having a conversation with my heart. And that is never a good thing when you’re trying to sleep. Especially when a third little voice decides to join in… you know, that self-loathing, pessimistic bitch who always likes to ruin everything and hides in the deepest corners of your mind with all your fears and who jumps at every opportunity to point out all the things that could possibly go wrong with any given situation in an effort to make you give up? Yeah, she apparently decided to join the party this morning. I shut her up (for once) rather quickly though. I’m making progress. But my brain and heart are still chattering away with possibilities, what-if’s and maybes.
I probably sound completely crazy right about now. Maybe I AM completely crazy. All I really know right now is that I’m awake when I shouldn’t be, and all the thoughts, hopes, dreams and feelings that have been washing over me over the past few days have turned into a raging flood within me. It’s not a bad one mind you. But regardless it’s still keeping me from being able to sleep. Pleasant thoughts or not, no sleep is not good.
I need something to do to entertain myself until the sun lights the room and it’s actually a decent hour to be awake. I’ve no books left to read at the moment. Not unless I start re-reading one of my favorites. (There are few books I love enough to read them more than once.) Perhaps I’ll turn my lamp on and get some knitting done. My dad bought me some gorgeous i-cord yarn (with sequins!) last month that I’ve been itching to make something with, and I finally found a nice pattern to use it with. I had started it the other day but then last night realized I was working the pattern incorrectly (I was adding an extra yarn over at the end of the lace rows) so I had to frog it. At least I had not gotten far with it before realizing my mistake. Anyway, point being that maybe I will pick the needles up and start working on that again. Or maybe I’ll get the crochet hooks out and work on my afghan that I probably should have finished by now.
Or maybe I’ll just lie back down and let my brain and heart continue their cease-less ramblings over all the beautiful possibilities that have popped up for me recently, and hope they’ll talk themselves (and me) to sleep…