I’ve been practicing a little with my Chromatek watercolor brush pens. I still have a long way to go with them, and this month’s artwork is… meh. But I worked hard on it, regardless of how wonky it looks. I started by lightly sketching a rough idea of the image with pencil and then started with my lighter watercolors and worked my way up to the darker colors. I went in with one of my Chromatek glitter pens to finish the eyes, as well as using a white gel pen for the light reflection in the eyes.
I’ve been trying to prepare myself for a 5k I allowed myself to get roped into doing but the weather has not been cooperative for it at all. I’ve only about a month left till the race and don’t feel anywhere remotely ready for it. I can’t even run the full distance on a mostly level trail. The course has hills. Several of them. It STARTS going UP a hill. I’ll do the best I can when the time comes, but for the moment I feel like my best isn’t going to be good enough for me.
I also started a 28 day “flat stomach” challenge with a fitness app I decided to try. The main thing keeping me from being in the next smaller size pants is my stomach. A smaller size fits my thighs beautifully, but with my stomach in the way I can’t get into them. Today is day 3 of that challenge and my stomach muscles already ache. So it must be working, though the workouts seem too short to be effective (4 minutes start to finish – I don’t know if they get longer as the challenge progresses or not). My beloved Leslie Sansone always says when you slim down your body slims down proportionately. Methinks she isn’t quite right on that. If it were true my stomach would not be in the way quite so much as it is! I’ve lost a lot of weight since moving here almost 2 years ago but I’ve still got a ways to go. Truth be told I don’t care (too much) what the scale says. I’m focused more on how I feel and what I see in the mirror. I learned the hard way years ago that me even owning a scale is a bad idea because I’ll become obsessed with the number and it quickly becomes counterproductive. So I do not even have one – I step on the scale at J’s about once a month and that is that. I otherwise focus on how my clothes fit and how I feel… and while what I see in the mirror plays a role I try not to focus on that too much. I can’t say with any degree of certainty of course but I think I probably see myself as being quite a bit larger than I actually am.
I briefly signed up for an online dating site. I go back and forth between wishing I had someone special and feeling like I’m fine on my own and don’t really want anybody else to have to worry about. I have been stuck in “I want somebody” mode for a while now though. Multiple folks had mentioned I should try online dating. It is not something that ever felt right for me but as J pointed out I’m not exactly a social butterfly so how else am I going to meet someone? So I figured I would try it. I fully admit with the length of time I had the account it could be easily argued I didn’t give it a fair shot but good grief I do not think anything (dating-wise) has ever been so aggravating and depressing! I expanded the search results the furthest distance that was allowed – 200 miles – and set the filters with far less picky criteria than actually exists. My age to 15 years older. No smokers, no drug users. End of filters. 20 pages worth of resulting profiles. ONE seemed genuine and interesting and actually offered up some insight in his profile but my intuition still said to steer clear and there were a couple things on his profile that were, for me, red flags. While I browsed I received about 15 messages in about as many minutes. Not a single one worth a response. They were all “hey sexy” and if that is all they have to say to try to get my attention, they’re definitely NOT someone I want to spend my time on. I ended up hiding my profile the very night I had created it because the messages were becoming annoying. I continued to browse and search hoping for new members, for a few days. But it was always just the same ones I had already seen. So I deleted my account. The whole online dating thing still just feels wrong for me. I know, I know… I don’t really go out much besides work and grocery shopping so I’m not meeting people really. But the online thing just does not feel right, and if something doesn’t feel right I have a hard time convincing myself to do it. If I’m to have a man in my life I need to meet him (somehow) the “old fashioned” way – face to face. Whether it’s being introduced by someone we both know or pure chance, face to face is just how it will have to happen. Otherwise I suppose my future holds a lot of cats… or bunnies. Maybe birds. Dogs. Fish. You get the idea.
I’ve got things I need to tackle so I’m off.
Until next time. xoxo