This has been a year full of changes – though some things of course, stay the same.
I’m still just always exhausted, no matter how much sleep I get or how often I take time to relax and do nothing. I still never seem to have the time, money, energy, desire, or any given combination of those things to get things tackled that I need and want to do.
I’ve changed positions and shifts at work a couple times since my last post, so getting used to working different hours has been an adjustment I’ve had to make a couple times. That hasn’t helped with my fatigue issues, but it has been necessary. The work I’m doing now is far better than what I had been doing previously. It still definitely has negative aspects but it’s better than my previous positions. It isn’t what I want to be doing in a year or two from now. But… for now it is tolerable, and it keeps the bills paid.
One relationship ended, which led to another one starting. I can now look back on the last one and clearly see it wasn’t at all what I truly wanted or needed and while he had his moments of being sweet and caring he was mostly a controlling asshole. It was never going to work with him because I was “too difficult” for him – I was not afraid of telling him no or of arguing with him and he didn’t like that. He wanted someone who would just always give him his way without questioning anything. That’s NOT me. The utter frustration over that led to me doing what I said I would not: I signed up for online dating. I shuffled through a few guys that there just wasn’t a connection with, a few jerks, and then I met the one that finally seems to really be someone who I can count on, who truly treats me well, who puts in as much effort as I do, who makes me a priority rather than treating me like an option after everyone and everything else in the world has come first. We’ve known each other for 4 months and been dating for 3 months. There are all sorts of little things that just seem like too much to be coincidence. It all just feels like finally things are right and as they’re meant to be. Time will tell of course. But so far it has been very, very good.
I haven’t really had a chance to do any of the projects I need to do around the house or anything. I have a lengthy to do list, and a couple things habe been checked off it but it seems like the list keeps growing faster than I can actually get things done. Hopefully at some point soon I can find more time to get things done. I picked one room to start in and focus in. It is far from perfect since I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I got the drywall finished and then I painted. I still have to do the baseboard and windowframe and flooring… I’ve had things come up and things change that mean for now my resources have been exhausted so pwrhaps I can get back to working on that early next year. One thing at a time.
And with that, I do have things I need to do today so I best get going. I hope everyone is doing well. I’ll try to check in again without letting so much time pass, this time, but can make no promises.